Goddamnit this is gonna have me in tears all night. Look at the way they grip each other. LOOK AT IT. THIS IS CRAZY FOR SO MANY REASONS.
I wasn’t going to write any meta yet but look at this. Compare this to when Castiel has fixed Dean any other time. Castiel has constantly used a two-fingered touch to the forehead to heal Dean or show him anything. This is seen in Swan Song, and in A Little Slice of Kevin, for instance. TWO FINGERED FOREHEAD TOUCH. That was Dean’s cue that whatever was gonna happen, Cas was about to use angel mojo and he wasn’t gonna poop for a week.
But what do we have here?
Cas is not only reaching out to Dean, he’s literally grabbing his face in his hands, and Dean, for a moment, legit thinks he’s about to die in the hands of his best friend. He is going to let this celestial being end him, even though he doesn’t want it, he just wants Cas, he just wants his angel back. And Dean grabs his arm like I haven’t seen him grab ANYTHING. EVER. He holds onto that sleeve for dear life, because for all he knows, it’s about to end. And Castiel is holding Dean’s head- gripping it close and holding it tight. No simple, meaningless forehead touch, not this time. Cas needs to hold Dean, to keep him in his hand, until he knows he’s okay. Cas knows he’s done this, he knows that this is not something that should have happened, and the anguish in his face is palpable.
This was SUCH A POWERFUL SCENE. So much emotion, especially from Dean, who knows Castiel has something wrong with him, who is, for the first time, scared of Castiel down in that crypt (seriously he was like a little boy trying to face his father or not give up the money to a scary robber omg), remembers that this celestial being could destroy him in an instant and yet CANNOT KILLL DEAN. He can punch his face until it’s a smashed remnant of it’s former self, but he can’t hit him hard enough to end it. He can’t plunge that sword in his chest. He can’t do it. And when he comes to, when he figures it out… He looks like a crushed dog, like someone destroyed everyone he loved… except that someone was himself and he didn’t want it to happen, why god why did it happen?
It’s gonna take me a long time to get over how intimate Cas became in this moment. It was not merely just a healing for him, it was a gripping of souls, a desperation to fix, to be sorry, to want to make it right but not knowing how. I was amazed at that, almost stunned. It was so different, so raw, and that moment, coupled with the ones before and after, set the bar that much higher.
It’s going to be an agonizing wait for Castiel to return. God I forgot how much I missed him.